Today is an odd day, I had two hours sleep after a night of drink and making a fake porno that has since been destroyed due to embarrassment and horror, think the neighbors got a bit pissed off they didn’t understand how many different entrances can happen in a XXX film XD

I arrived at the station to find my platform completely blocked off with people giving directions on where to go ….i nearly shat. I came a week in advance to learn which two trains I had to use everyday and no iv go to get out the station find a bus find the stop find the new station and the new train!, I didn’t panic to much but it was certainly a “this shit just got real” situation.

Any way class was ok it was loverly watching people have little break thoughts, holy shit I love all the people in class its mega cringe I know but I fucking love my new friends!

Deliriously tired and in an oddly trippy mood, I have fashioned myself this rainbow turban thing and I am now alone at a café looking wonderfully out of place and I have ordered snails and steak and chips with a huge glass of wine…nah I lie its rather small but I recon im gonna get a few more down me.

Plummer at home at the mo so im eating out so I can have a safe shit before bed. I miss all my loveys in England. But I am having the time of my life and im going to fuck off all over the country more often! J

Snails where great

Steak was killer!

And now I am in agony because I must have court my tooth and im going to pop lots of painkillers and lay in a dark room!

A bit of Clown school, Just a peep though really nothing special

Right my lovers! Its time for me to Phill 😛 you in on wtf I have been getting up to whilst studying under the Master Clown Philippe Gaulier and im warning you now … its not very pretty.

Im not going to give you a day by day, because if I have to relive some of the painful bits I might have a break down.

Sooooo.. hmmm.. I have suddenly lost the buzz of telling you tons and tons …its hard to get these invaluable pieces of knowledge from my mind to my fingers. I apologize.

Something we do every day is we are put up in front of the whole class (usually a line of five then you do your thing one by one) and told to make every one laugh..this sounds easy no?, but holy shit it could not be more hellishly, soul crushingly and suicidaly hard.

Luckily my current frame of mind is in the perfect place for taking the blows. Thank god. But it does certainly strain your hard strings to a “hmm don’t those Metro tracks look inviting” type degree. But its not particularly killer if you remember that to succeed you have to cock up, its just how it all works.

The beginning of the course is all about discovery and experiment.

And something you must always have in mind (though its very easy to forget)

Is its all a game for you to enjoy it is about your inner beauty.

When we cock up in warm ups we get physically punished! Or we have to kiss up to 20 people in the group to make up for our mistake! Its outrageously brilliant!

Its nearly the end of the first week and the group has bonded really well, every one is full of passion! It’s the best thing working with people who are taking life by the balls and getting on with it!

 Il tell you more When I can word it better, I think I’m to over excited cos its nearly my birthday and im an excitable little shit

Day six: An Eyefull of Tower

So once our lil hang over’s had moved on we decided to get go see the legendary tower!

We wiggled our way through the Metro (Frances London Underground)

Until we came to ..umm..eugh! which ever station it was ( I cant reach the map so I’ll fill you I another time, don’t judge me! Its bloody tiring trying to be funny all day).

 James “ if we look to the sky’s we will find it”…..nope, we left the station took a step out with big touristy smiles on our faces! And alas no tower, just a load of high buildings .. it was a blow..

but we followed people who looked as hopeless as we did and it worked out well.

 

It was actually bloody exciting seeing the Eiffel Tower in person for the first time, I myself am a silly ass and very impressive things some times don’t impress me at all its really stupid, but seeing this structure that we have all seen in so many many many films, magazines etc oh and postcards (some of you will certainly be seeing some of those shortly 😛 ) for real life filled my tummy with butterflies and things.

 

We lined up for approximately 2 and a half minutes, got cheap tickets because we are riddled with youth and then WALKED up the thing.

 

 For like 800 steps it wasn’t bad. It was a bit scary as we got higher thinking about how old it is and there is nothing holding you in, your just chilling out on it.

Got to the top rang some people we loved, took some pictures and viewed the views that were there to view.

 

As we were gazing wistfully across the expanse of foreign country there was a sudden earsplitting raw from 896ft below us. Every one peered over to see wtf was going on and it turned out to be the Final of what ever footy thing was going on on the 1^st of July and some one had just scored, there were at least three thousand people wooping, screaming, jumping all over the place, lighting flares and generally making a shit ton of noise. It was such fun and everyone on top of the tower wooped and cheered back! It was brill.

Day six: Part one, The first night out in Paris

Day six really starts at 12am on day five as Joe introduced us to some of his friends (top notch peeps) and we hit the Paris night life. We started with a roast chicken and roast spuds etc, a few glasses of starter wine a few bottles of white a single bottle of red some desert wine some cognac (ew ew ew) then some champagne.

Then we left the house and went to a bar where they served cocktails with dry ice on the top so it arrives looking all crazy and awesome! only one of those though cos they to expensive for more than one glass of fun.

The single downside to the evening was Jamesess usual old man falling asleep thing, he passed out on a table in a nice bar and it was rather funny, I wasn’t to fussed because It gave me (the last remaining female still standing) tons of brownie points from the French men.

Several bars later we went to a Salsa Club! and it was incredible, a live band churned out tune after tune seamlessly merging together so that you couldn’t stop dancing! not until you are drenched in sweat and in my case loads of other peoples, It was gross but kinda raunchy at the same time i guess because the dancing is very intimate and fancy rather than just dropping it like its hot then picking it up when its cold, or shaking ya behind in the direction of a random chaps crotch! There were steps, lifts and spins and the fanciest footwork i have ever seen. Another change from my usual night life experience’s was that i had to catch the eye contact of one of Joes friends not because i didn’t like where my dance partners hands were going or general oh god ok time to get awayness but because i was so dizzy from all the spinning and twirling that i thought i was going to fall over! It was tons of fun and i cant wait to do so again!

Day four/Five: a bit of culture

Day four

We got up early, brought some wine and went to play in a park, a big one, then got mini heat stroke and fell asleep for four hours, had supper then went to sleep again.

 

Also we wrote a song about being sweaty.

Oh and james filled in his come dine with me application. FINGERs CROSSED!!!!!!!

Day Five

Today I moved into Joes flat, but before settling in James and I hit Paris to see some sights and to be mega tourists. It was soooooo big! (that’s what she said) as we are very un cultured we found a very large building and didn’t realize what it was, “this is really big worth a look at, probably some tourist thing we should see” , then yup we crossed the road and we had stumbled upon the Louvre.

 

It was pretty epic we got in for free ( under 25) Now James and I don’t really give two tosses about art as we have not yet learnt to truly appreciate it, but we both new that a dead guy had painted a picture of a lady that the world seemed to be quite fond of so we went in search for the Moaning Murtle.

On the way we saw some incredible pieces of art ,tons of god shiz, they love it!

 

Well we found the thing in a room full of people. On one side the small brown clothed woman and on the other this GINORMAS painting that covered the whole wall, it was really odd actually every one looking at the tiny picture that didn’t take to long (in comparison) and no one sharing the love about the bloody massive one that must have taken yonks to do.

James- “ why is it so famous?” Hatty- “ Cos she’s got no eyebrows and no one knows why”

 After that like true young people we hunted down the Egyptians and the Mummy’s. They were awesome!

I think I want to be mummified when I die J

 

It was rather hot in the Louvre but to keep it a bearable temperature they had cooling vents in the floor, so any picture with a vent in front of it got a lot of attention from James and I.

 

At one point we abandoned the art all together and just sat on a vent when no one was looking and aired our unspeakable so as to carry on the rest of the day in comfort.

 

We got back to Joes and I unpacked my bits and bobs, made some spag bol watched some stuff on  4oD and hit the sack.

Oh and check out the awesome French Stairs i have to go up and down everyday! Its like your drunk

Day three: Ecole, Snails and Rats

On day three we woke up very late because the beds are for to comfy.

We opened the curtains onto a beautiful French day….shit..this means we have got to do something.

 So we had a ganda at the ol google map and set a course for Ecole Philippe Gaulier so that I know where to go every morning at 8am (sick a little in mouth)

But before we set off we popped to our local lidl for picnic munch.

 Walked up into the town and found a very picturesc church and living space, set up canp on a bench and had lunch.

 

We carried on through the town and eventually found the school, nextto which was a very nice square and theatre. We sat for a while – Hat “cos It was bloody hot” had some more to eat and set off in search of a par or some greenery.

 

We found a little play park complete with pretty river side houses and some grass to chill on, although it took a minute or to to find a patch without god shit. People here seem to talk to their dogs even more than we do in England…that or they were talking to us and we just had no idea. We met a lovely little cow dog, he was very sweet and looked as if he was off a Ben and Jerrys advert.

We sat and lapped up the surroundings- Hat “ isn’t the river soooo beautiful just look at reeds in the water, the little fishys….RAT! There’s a bloody great rat!!

Personally the rat made my day, you don’t see a rat hopping about happy as larry every day do you.

 

On our way home we went into a cake shop of a sort and brought a funny choc moose thing, it was alright… throw most in the bin but kept the container cos its really kl.

We Also fed the Duckies the rest of our bread 🙂

 

We had a siesta then had supper at the hotel, I had steak, James had fish and he tried a SNAIL!!

I would have tried one but it looked really raw and cold. And after owning 12 giant African land snails for so many years …they smell gross when they die. The shell was kl though don’t know why James didn’t keep it 😛

 

Watched the footy- my second ever match, it went into penalties again, I am told that doesn’t happen often……riveting

 

 

Learn Some Lingo

Every night before bed

Day two:Meeting Room mate and ganda at Paris

We need to stop being nervous about people thinking we are stupid….and just accept the fact we are. Quote of the day

On the way to the station we saw this and Hatty got really high pitched.

 

We went into Paris to meet Joseph Marshell, who i will be staying with for the month who very kindly gave us a tour of the surroundings. Firstly we went up lots and lots and lots of stairs to Sacre-Coaer, when we got to the top Hatty realized she had been there before but when she was very tiny.

 

There was an amazing view of Paris. Afterward Joe showed us around all the lovely little street including the street where many famous artist had lived including Dali and Picasso, also we saw the grocery shop were Amelie was filmed and had a drink in the cafe of the same film. 

 

After our refreshments we were shown to a sex district were we saw the Moulon Rouge and insisted on a visit to the 3 story sex shop. It was fascinating! XD

 

Briefly popped into to a huge second hand clothes stop where many costumes will be purchased in the future and finally visited a cheese mongers to buy some ..cheese.. to have with our baguette and saucisson before our departure to Etampes. (naturally we did not have red wine with our French feast we had tea)

 

Day one: Arrive at least an hour early

Well, the fun begins.

On the bottom of our coach confirmation email it says “Please report to the check in desk at least 60mins pria to departure”…of course we failed to see this and arrived with 8 minutes until the coach was to depart… then went for a cracking trip to the toilet oblivious to the lack of time we had and the fact that we did need to check in. We just made it…

The Coach was good fun, upset we didn’t get to go on the boat though, interesting very good looking couple behind us on the back seat unable to keep their hands off each other! felt sorry for the middle aged man sat behind us sharing the back seat with them who had to enjoy the view for 7 hours. Quote Hatty ‘because they were french everything they said/whispered seemed to sound like sex. 

Eurotunnel looked like what they would keep king kong in if he were about. 

On arrival at French service station it suddenly dawned on us we couldn’t speak a work of the language and we had no idea what was going on, quote Hatty ‘Fucked.”

For the rest of the journey we studied the bbc language book and map of Paris train network and noted down various things we needed to remember, preparing for our first foot in Paris. 

The tickets are tiny and cheap! the trains are double deckers and awsomely retro, luckily my self having not grasped the London underground it was no different from being in London, except the doors were a bit funny, when we were waiting to board our last train we befriended a 6′ 7″ french train attendent who liked hip hop and rock music. 

After arriving in a very pretty Etampes and making our way towards our hotel which is situated only the finest french cuisine (KFC & McDonalds), had a bargain bucket and called it a night. 

On the way to our hotel! and then when we arrived ….

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